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I am counting cars the same way
I count fishes in my sea.
But it is murky like suffocating drains
choking words I can't take back
a lonely side puddle on the road.

I don't look at the metal bodies
but the warm breathing ones
from rolled-down windows, carefree lollipop wrappers
bobbing mainstream music.

I count the drivers and passengers smiles
and theirs is more than the ones you give me.
I understand.
I guess your car and try to find it anyway.

Is it ferrari red?
Like a horse with electric hooves
thundering my loose earth
with ridge muscles
fearless mane hair?

Is it a monster truck?
Like an armoured hunchback
distrusting eyes
banged up front-gate grin?

I'm beginning to think whatever it is
it's black.
As your leather jacket that collects nightmare sweat
old tears
hands too young to belong to
Parkinson.
As your pencilled past that
colours both our lives.

Baby, I have washed-up nickels.
I'll take the bus.
Inspired by: C.M
For: C.M

Maybe I don't know you at all. I thought of this when I was sitting by the road, counting cars, waiting.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-05-21
I fell in love with the scattered and lovely imagery in Hitchhiker by ~pencil-pawn. The poem recreates the feel of flitting thoughts as one stares at passing cars. ( Featured by nycterent )
:iconsummerkeziah:
summerkeziah Featured By Owner May 23, 2011  Student General Artist
*smiles*

Congrats Pau :D
Reply
:iconiamtheclaw:
IAmTheClaw Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
"I believe you're going...my way?"

The imagery of this is crystal clear. Very nicely done. c:
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thank you. always the one to wish and wait :3
Reply
:iconmonkeysundles:
MonkeysUndles Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
....wow.
Reply
:iconmegstiel:
megstiel Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student General Artist
I've never really thought of hitchhiking like this. It's nice, has a bit of morbidity to it but is also very sweet and hopeful.
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
ah yes, the very heart of an adolescence.
that is me o.0
Reply
:iconrockerbabe221:
rockerbabe221 Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
cool.
Reply
:iconalffarr:
alffarr Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Professional Interface Designer
Too great. I keep coming back to this.
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i feel honoured!! thanks love!
Reply
:icondull-glitter:
dull-glitter Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
Lovely! I especially love the ending!
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
the tone of resignation, yes.
Reply
:iconbonesbleachedbare:
BonesBleachedBare Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
I really like the last two stanzas in particular, especially the lines "As your leather jacket that collects nightmare sweat / old tears / hands too young to belong to / Parkinson"
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
those are my favourite lines TOOO!!!
Reply
:iconhalfloner:
Halfloner Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
This is great, the car descriptions made me smile and the whole thing has a flow to it.
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i thought the opposite actually, while i was crafting this. took many drafts but yes, it finally achieved a smooth flow to it =)
Reply
:iconsmokincute:
SmokinCute Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Very well written. :) <3<3
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much. i'm glad you were entertained and enjoyed it :D
Reply
:iconsmokincute:
SmokinCute Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
<3<3
Reply
:icondreamhead321:
dreamhead321 Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
Amazing!
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
*bows* it wouldn't have been, without your support! <3
Reply
:iconlilmoe-moe:
lilmoe-moe Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
I am wowed by this it has great imagery, i can visualize this very well.
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
yeap, the fast paced urban life, very much like the fast-paced flitting love.
Reply
:icontraficjam:
TraficJam Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
beautiful! i love the flow it has and the mystery
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
i'm glad that you're glad of it :)
Reply
:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner May 21, 2011   Writer
This strikes the perfect balance, for me, between being abstract/subtle and relatable/understandable. Often I read poetry that's too much of one or the other. I love the feeling you've captured – counting cars is something everyone can relate to, I think, and it's skilfully woven in with feelings of loss and regret and... perhaps, moving on.
A wonderful piece, congrats on the DD :)
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
thank you very much. i feel so happy i could burst!!! :DD
Reply
:iconsolarune:
Solarune Featured By Owner May 22, 2011   Writer
Hee, no problem! This piece deserves it :D
Reply
:iconchainsawink:
ChainsawInk Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
this was very memorable like you riding away on that for what seems like forever bus. i don't know I can't sense. Yay
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
yes, the waiting. waiting is always difficult :)
Reply
:iconlit-twitter:
Lit-Twitter Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
Chirp, congrats on the DD, it's been twittered. [link] :)
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
OMYGOD REALLY?! *heart attack* WOW. just wow!!!
Reply
:iconacorn83:
Acorn83 Featured By Owner May 21, 2011
Pardon our dust.
Reply
:iconpencil-pawn:
pencil-pawn Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
:3
Reply
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